Made This Way
by Bostonrose
Summary: AU-Jane has always relied on Kaidan, but when her parents are killed and she is sent to the Turian Academy to train in their military and then towards being a spectre, all at the age of sixteen, everything changes. We all have choices and the ones facing Jane are ones that could tear apart not only who and what she thinks she is, but the entire Galaxy.
1. Chapter 1

**OMG, I was editing this on the train today and I deleted the story by accident. **

**I had changed some things to the ending of this chapter and then was just going to update it and I deleted it. I'm so sorry. Well here it is again. I feel like such a noob. That's what I get for doing it on my phone. **

~~Jane Shepard sat quietly, eyes staring straight ahead, seeing nothing. She was wishing her brain would shut down, she was wishing she could stop the drone of voices behind her, she could hear the cameras and the news anchors, talking about the last remaining Shepard, talking about her parents, talking about them in the past tense. She couldn't bear it, she didn't want to bear it, but she had no choice, so here she sat, staring ahead at two caskets draped in Alliance flags, and she felt her stomach clench and had to control the urge to be sick.

The tears were another thing. She couldn't seem to cry, shock they kept telling everyone. Jane Shepard, sixteen years old and now the most well known and not to mention wealthy orphan on Earth, couldn't cry, not without him here. Where was he? Didn't he get the message? He wouldn't leave her here alone, no he wouldn't do that, he'd always been there for her. She was six the first time she remembered crying on Kaidan Alenko's shoulder, he was almost three years her senior, but he had always taken care of her. Her eyes drifted over the caskets again and she had to look away, remembering that first time they left, the first time Kaidan had found her sitting on the steps of the private school they both attended. The first time he had told her she wasn't alone.

Jane's parents and Kaidan's parents were both Military and after the war with the Turians had ended their fathers were military Diplomats and always gone, their mothers were both high-ranking military, and unfortunately for both Jane and Kaidan, were also always gone. They saw them maybe once a year, sometimes more when they were fortunate, but after that first day, they had always had each other.

Well at least until this year, Kaidan was eighteen almost nineteen now and in the military full-time and at sixteen, Jane was still stuck in school, it had been difficult. People didn't like biotics, they didn't trust them. To make matters worse, Jane and Kaidan came from money. They didn't have to stay at the boarding school, as they each had a house that was fully staffed and that caused tension and animosity between them and the other students. But it had never mattered; they had always had each other.

The military chaplain cleared his throat next to her effectively pulling her from her thoughts.

"Miss Shepard, its half past, do you think we should," Jane shook her head, her eyes locked on the door to the side of the chapel.

"No, not yet, he'll be here."

The chaplain nodded and walked back towards the front, just as the side doors burst open and there he was, just like he had always promised, he would always be there for her. His dress uniform was crisp and clean, his black hair combed quickly back, he looked worried when he couldn't see her through the crush of people at the side of the chapel, but as soon as his golden brown eyes found hers they tilted in understanding as he rushed towards her.

Before Jane could even think about standing, he knelt before her and wrapped his arms around her middle, her head found his shoulder, and the tears took her. She heard the mumbling behind her and she knew they were talking about her and Kaidan. The match was what everyone had talked about for years. The Alenko family and Shepard family connected. The families were perfect, both with long military and political histories. But none of that mattered now. Right now her parents were gone, dead. Killed during a diplomatic mission, an accident, their ship destroyed. That's all she knew, no one seemed inclined to give her any other information. Not that she wanted it. It was bad enough that the caskets before her were empty.

Kaidan was the only thing she had left, the last things she could hold on to.

Kaidan pulled back, gave her red hair a tussle and smiled softly into her green eyes that were red rimmed and as bright as the Caribbean ocean he had seen on their vacation last summer. His heart broke for her and taking her hand in his he took the seat next to her, and she leaned against him. He knew all the stories people told, as did Jane, but the difference was, that's all they were, just stories. Neither Jane nor Kaidan knew their parents very well. Just the stories like everyone else. Her parents like his, were ghost's long before they ever died.

A few hours later, Andrew and Kathy Shepard were laid to rest, but with every end, comes a new beginning.

~O~

~~Jane leaned over the sink, her hands braced on either side. Kaidan waited outside the door, she could hear his steady even breathing and with a great sigh she left the washroom. A few of her parents' staff that had been with her since she had been a girl were waiting with him and she smiled as best she could.

"Thank you, all of you, I would really like it if you all took the rest of the day off, I'm sure we'll know more tomorrow, as you all know Kaidan's father was my parents closest friend and executor of the estate, tomorrow is soon enough to deal with all of that."

As they left the room Kaidan watched her and then held out his arms, she accepted, her hands feathering across his chest and arms, she inhaled and the scent of his aftershave was the most comfort she had felt all day.

"You were late."

"Mm, almost, but you know if I could have come faster, I would have. I'll always be here for you J-berry."

Jane groaned and tried to push away from him but he held on to her and chuckled.

"I really hate it when you call me that."

"Well it's what you are though; you'll always be my berry."

Finally she pushed away and turned towards the window that over looked the bay and the corner of his family's property.

"Are your parents expecting you?"

"No, of course not, are they ever? My father is most likely drinking in his rooms and my mother is getting ready to return to the citadel, there is a lot of work to do, since," he trailed off and Jane nodded.

"Yeah I know, since my parents aren't there to do it now, there is a lot to cover. The Galaxy doesn't stop just because they died." She sighed and her head bowed to her chest.

They were quiet for some time, Kaidan standing behind her, the shadows from the quickly fading sun stretched across the room until he finally reached out his hand and let it settle on her shoulder.

"It's weird, it's like nothing has changed. They're just gone again, you're here, and they're gone. Like always, why does this remind me of my tenth birthday? You here with the cake and presents, my parents had promised they'd be here, but something had happened on that planet, I can't even remember its name."

"Trust me; if anyone knows how you feel, it's me. But this time is different."

"Kaidan, I'm not a child, I know that. Not to mention you'll be gone again soon."

He made to answer but she turned to him lifted her hand and laid it over his on her shoulder, he watched her, she looked older than her sixteen years at that moment, the black dress and heels, coupled with the fact that her red hair hung in waves about her face attributed to that.

"Did I mention you look really great in your dress blues? I bet the girls go crazy for you."

He chuckled and ran a hand through his wavy black hair and her heart squeezed waiting for his answer. She knew that being separated by distance, not to mention almost two and a half years till she would be in the military was a long time for a good-looking guy like Kaidan. She had spent her entire childhood running after him, though he had always let her catch him, back then the age difference didn't seem like the gaping canyon that it did at that moment, watching his golden brown eyes squint and hearing his chuckle as she saw the bare finger where his school ring had always been as he dragged his hand through his hair was like a dagger to her heart.

She turned around before she could watch his eyes as he told her he had a girlfriend. Sticking her head in the refrigerator she pulled out a soda, poured it over ice and held the cold glass to her forehead.

Kaidan watched her without moving, watching the glass slide over her forehead he frowned.

"I still get the headaches too; stress makes them worse, you should go get some sleep."

She shook her head and he sighed but she didn't say anything, just kept her eyes on his shoes and the glass against her head.

Stepping forward, Kaidan took the glass from her head and brushed his lips over her cool skin, he could feel her swallow and the emotion that was locked behind her now closed eyes. Holding her back from him he lowered his lips to her cheek and brushed them feather light across the freckles he loved so much. But she still didn't open her eyes or speak.

"What is it, J-berry, why are you hiding from me?" his thumb brushed over her lips and she turned her head to the side.

"I just don't think I can handle you telling me you have a girlfriend, you're on your first ship, I'm sure there are lots of girls like I said, that go crazy for you."

Pulling her closer she laid her hands flat against his chest and could feel the vibration of his laugh.

"Jane, what are you talking about?"

"Last summer, when I told you I'd understand if you couldn't wait for me, that it wasn't fair, that we waited our entire lives for people, that," his lips cut off her sentence and she melted beneath them.

After a moment of soft kisses he leaned back from her and shook his head, "I remember what you said, and I remember telling you that it wasn't necessary, even if there was a chance someone could catch my eye, they would never be able to have a spot in my heart. You've been the only girl there since we were kids."

Kaidan watched her chew on this for a moment before she lowered her eyes to his hand and he laughed.

"You're wondering about the ring," he moved his hands behind his neck and took off a silver chain that was entangled with his dog tags.

"It was going to be a surprise before I left. Something so you'd remember that no matter what, no matter what has happened, or what will happen, that no matter where I am in the Galaxy, you are not alone. And that I will always wait for you."

As the ring settled in the hollow of her throat she laid her head against Kaidan's chest the kitchen was dark now as they held one another, and only the glow from a light down the hall silhouetted them against the darkness.

Kaidan's father froze in front of the massive table in the dining room and motioned for the man next to him to stop, he was afraid Jane had heard them, but she seemed distracted enough that she wasn't paying attention so he whispered, "They don't get to see each other often now that my son has been deployed. And if you wish to carry through with the plan they won't be seeing each other for a very long time. We can give them tonight."

The Turian at his side nodded his mandibles fluttered as he looked around the house.

"There isn't much of Andrew and Kathy here."

David Alenko gave his head a slow shake before turning back towards the front entrance.

"No, much like my house the only thing in it that was us, was our child. Now that he's not there it's really just a place. To keep appearances of course, it hasn't been easy all these years. To raise children and maintain a black ops group that now includes the Turians. You know people would wonder, on both sides. For a lot of people the war is still fresh, hate runs deep you know."

"I know, but the four of you have been like another family to us. Working with you all, during the war and after was a rare privilege. Knowing that we stopped the war and now are working towards a safer galaxy, that is reassuring. It pained me deeply, to know that Andrew and Kathy were killed. Malfunctioning ship is the story I heard, I assume that's what Jane was told, it is of course better that way, for now."

David nodded as he shut the door behind him and took a deep breath, the air was damp but warm and he sighed. "Are you sure you want to do this so soon?"

"Yes I am it's a year later than we start our children in the Academy. Kathy wanted to give her as much time as possible. But the agreement stands, we will begin to build the ship, Kaidan will be put in officers training under Andersons' guidance. Jane of course will be placed in the Turian Academy. Then of course she will be in the Spectre program."

"If you would have told me sixteen years ago that this would actually work, I would have laughed, but here we are." His eyes grew distant as he stared up at the stars. "Though I do wish Andrew and Kathy would have been here to see it. I'm not sure they're ready, both Kaidan and Jane, they," before David could finish the Turian cut him off.

"You know as well as I do that she was created for this purpose, Jane is the result of countless hours, don't get cold feet now, who do you think is going to carry on for us, who do you think is going to protect the Galaxy." His voice dropped and he shook his head, "You know as well as I do that the group that broke away and killed the Shepards aren't going to give up. What they mean to do is insane. No this is the best way, the plan we had will work, and Jane will be the first human Spectre."

"That's the problem now isn't it, Victus, Jane isn't really human, is she, well at least not completely."

"No, she is human as well as Turian, just think of her as the best of both worlds, a perfect genetic hybrid. We agreed that it would be the best way to get the galaxy to work together, to have everyone trust the humans, to get them a spot on the Council, by having Jane become a Spectre, she needed a special set of skills, she can't fail. She won't fail she's part Turian, how could she?"

David failed at holding back a chuckle, "Thank God for the Asari scientist's. Are you going to tell her? I mean it wasn't just any Turian."

Adrien Victus gave a short snort and shook his head, "Not right now, she's just lost her parents, it's not the time to tell her that she's actually the combination of Turian DNA and Kathy's, to tell her she's the result of years of work, and that she's genetically a Turian Human, heightened smell and sight among other things. Not to mention that she can eat our food, and" Victus faltered before finishing his thought. "Breed with a Turian."

"That isn't for sure; we don't know how it will work. But that was always the intention was it not? "

"It is _still_ the intention, which is why it's better to separate them now."

David nodded though he felt sadness for his son in his chest.

"I know, though it will be hard for them, for years all they've had is each other."

"A situation unfortunately made necessary by the nature of our work, David. I can't say I'm sorry, because this is so much more than that, what we are working towards means the salvation of not just us, but the Galaxy. We must give the Galaxy every opportunity to survive what we know is coming."

"I know you're right, of course you are, tomorrow then, she'll leave with you tomorrow." David paused his lips pressed together until they were a thin line.

"Have you decided on someone, last I heard it had been narrowed down to three."

Victus paused and nodded, "Yes I have decided. Brandis Archeron, you know him of course, he's the son of the former Primarch of Palaven. As you know, his father was killed last year. I think they might hit it off. Besides he comes from an excellent family."

"And how are you going to get that to work?"

Victus almost sighed but kept himself in check, folding his hands behind his back. "I will introduce them and hope things work naturally."

"And if they don't?"

"I'll let Jane make that choice, in the end it is in her hands. I don't plan on keeping her in the dark forever. She needs time and eventually I hope she will make the right choices...for us all."

~O~

~~Jane held Kaidan's hand as his father explained the situation to her.

"So, you see your parents left you in the care of Adrian Victus. The plan is for you to attend the Academy with his son."

Jane sputtered, "You've got to be joking I'm not going anywhere. I can stay here, finish school and join the Alliance just as the plan was all along, my parents knew that."

Kaidan felt the death grip she had on his hand and he tried not to flinch.

"Dad, this can't be right why send her to live with a Turian she doesn't know, when she could just stay here, like always, mom and you can check up on her, not to mention this house is never empty, to be fair, it wouldn't be that different from the way it always has been."

He felt the jerk of Jane's hand when he said it, but he knew she knew it was true, she had said as much last night.

David sighed, the events of the last month weighing heavily on him, the missions, watching Andrew and Kathy die, all things he couldn't tell them.

"Victus is a General and was a very close friend of your parents, Jane. They wanted you to go with him if anything was to happen to them. I don't have time, he will make sure you're well looked after."

Pulling her hand from Kaidan's she cut her hand through the air in an arc. "Kaidan is right, why would they care that now I'll be looked after? It was always okay to just leave me here, just as you left Kaidan. Why now, why should I go?"

"Because it is what they wished and it is where you will go, none of this around you, Jane is yours until your twenty-first birthday. At that time you may do as you wish."

Silently he added to himself that she would be in the Spectre program and things would be well on their way by then.

"It will all be held in trust for you by Victus. Now you have twenty minutes to get your things and meet me out front, I will drive you to the shuttles and Victus will take you from there."

"Twenty minutes? You can't be serious." She was yelling at him but she had spun and was staring at Kaidan.

"I am serious, gather your things."

He turned and walked to the door to wait in the car, maybe they should have taken a different approach with Kaidan and Jane. Maybe they should have started earlier.

"Don't cry, J-berry. You'll be fine, we're military we're used to people being gone. You know that, we'll be fine." He said the words, but something in his mind was whispering that he may not see her again.

"No, we are used to _them_ being gone. You've always been here, you've always been with me, no matter where I was, no matter what you always came, you always found me."

"Right, and who says this changes anything?"

They didn't say it, but they both knew as they embraced each other one last time that this changed everything.

~O~

~~Victus watched Jane in the forward observatory on his ship, she hadn't said much. But she carried herself well, he had heard from David that she had taken the news hard, but to her credit once with him she hadn't said anything. She had adopted a stoic presence and he secretly rejoiced that he could see the Turian in her.

Sitting in the chair opposite her he cleared his throat and to his surprise she turned her eyes from the window and the millions of stars and smiled. He felt something oddly like pride at the beautiful girl before him.

"Jane, I know this is hard for you, but I've known your parents for," he didn't want to lie but he couldn't very well tell her that they had worked together even before the official end of the first contact war.

"Well we knew each other and have worked together for a very long time."

She nodded and he waited, he could see the question burning in her eyes.

"Sir, why, why did they want me with you, they never even spoke about you. Not that they were around a lot to tell me I guess." The last was barely whispered and he nodded, understanding.

"I know, but years ago, longer than I care to admit, your parents and I had a discussion," not a lie he thought, she just didn't need to know that it was before she was even conceived...made? Spirits this was complicated.

"Jane you're very special, even if your parents wouldn't have died, I would have come to get you. This has been an agreement between our two governments for years, think of it like public relations. You are to help us gain a united front. Since the war there is still animosity. Do you see what I mean?"

Her eyebrows shot up and she squinted at him but didn't speak. He nodded noting the color of her hair and eyes, nothing like her parents. They were made to stand out, make her stand out; she needed to be extraordinary, besides the Turian DNA in her she needed to be a shining example of Humanity as well. All signs show that she was in fact that, and if Kaidan's response to her was the norm, well then they had succeeded. Someday she would know, just not yet.

"You were chosen at a very young age to be the first human to attend the Turian Academy, though you should have started last year, you will be brought up to speed. And you will be a part of the Turian Military."

He couldn't tell her about the Spectre training, she had to appear to earn it, it was their way, and he hoped that she would earn it, that she really was everything they had hoped and made her to be.

"Mr. Alenko said as much, I'm honored, I really don't know what to say. I understand that this is a privilege and I look forward to training with you."

He almost did a double take. She was agreeable and didn't seem inclined to argue at all.

"I must say I'm surprised, Jane. I thought you might be upset."

She shrugged, "I was, but I've never had much choice with what I do with my life, I figure at least this way I get to see more of the Galaxy, and besides, it's not forever."

He tired to smile but it didn't make it to his mandibles, and instead they twitched, and he knew she would understand in time. That not only was this going to be forever, it was going to be her choice.

~O~

~~The shuttle hovered low over the landing pad at the Academy and as they landed Jane looked excited and nervous though none of it showed in her body language, she was calm, her hands didn't shake and he smiled again, more proof that there was Turian in her. Now if she could live up on the battlefield it would make this so much easier.

"Jane, I would like to introduce you to Brandis Archeron, you may recognize the name, his father was often with your parents."

Jane smiled and nodded, "I do recognize the name, but mostly from news feeds. My parents didn't have much time to tell me of their missions, or the people they met." She extended her hand to the Turian in front of her and he accepted with a slight flutter of his mandibles.

"Very good, Brandis, this is, Jane Shepard."

"Of course, I know you from the news as well, my father was also quite busy and, well I know how you feel."

Victus was pleased as Jane turned back to him and gave him a salute, it was an Alliance salute, but it didn't matter, if this worked the Alliance and Turians would be the strongest force in the Galaxy, strong enough to gather everyone they needed, and hopefully save them all.

"This is where I leave you for now, Shepard, your things will be dropped at your quarters. I'll be checking in soon."

She nodded, and he saw the flicker of something across her face, and he realized as she turned and walked away that it was sadness, at abandonment maybe?

The thought caused him to swallow hard, he knew that Andrew had never felt right about her, that he had never truly treated her like a daughter; he wished he could do something about that, but this wasn't the time. She needed to begin what they had set in motion so long ago.

Before he could leave, General Desolas Arterius, stopped next to him, watching the two walk away.

"I see you've decided that this is still a good idea. I'll have you know a human will never survive here. That she'll be crushed, and this little I don't know what to call it, political stunt will be over.

Before he could counter, the General walked away from him and when he was out of earshot Victus smiled and whispered, "That might have been a problem, if she wasn't my daughter."

**~~First time giving this a go in a forum such as this. I don't have a beta yet so it may be a little rough. I'll work on it. Let me know what you think. **

**Thanks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Jane followed Brandis towards rows of bunk houses; he ducked into one and held the door open for her.

"This is you, Jane. You'll be sharing the room with me and two others, they're out on maneuvers but they'll be back tomorrow."

She still didn't respond just looked at the grey Turian before her and she wondered if his eyes were really that white grey, or if it was just the way the light made them look transparent. He interrupted her thoughts by motioning towards the back bed.

"The lockers and head are in the back."

She nodded and he laughed at her lost look.

"Do you not have co-ed bunks in the Alliance?"

Giving her head a quick shake she sighed and tried to smile at Brandis, "Actually, I've never bunked anywhere."

"But you were in military school your entire life, were you not?"

"Yes, I was, but I always had a house nearby, I was lucky."

He smiled his understanding and took her duffle bag by the door and tossed it back by her bunk.

"Yeah, I get it; my family was well off too. People call it rich kid syndrome."

Nodding slightly she took a deep breath through her nose and sank to the edge of the bed; "Yeah but we really didn't have it bad. Really all things considered, it could have been much worse. Rich kids I mean."

Brandis sat on the bed across from her scooting back on it he leaned against the wall.

"Yeah, I suppose, but there is a difference between being rich, and being happy."

She nodded, understanding more than he knew.

"Were you happy, Jane? You don't look happy."

Lifting her face to meet his stare she was surprise at his question, people didn't normally ask her things like that, at least not people she didn't know. She realized her eyebrows were pulled together and her mouth was pursed. She relaxed her expression and shrugged one shoulder.

"There were times, not many with my parents, but I was happy enough. I made do." She was thinking of Kaidan and how the only times she had been happy in her life had involved him and almost said as much when Brandis cleared his throat.

"We make our own happiness, Jane, no one and nothing can make you happy, that's got to be something you decide when you get up every day, you look in that mirror and you have two choices, you're going to be what everyone wants you to be and be miserable, or, you be who you are and be happy. Most of life is perception, change that and you change everything."

Jane's lip curled in confusion and Brandis laughed.

"Trust me, I know things."

"So why aren't you out on maneuvers with the rest of our bunk mates?" Jane was trying to change the subject; she really didn't feel like talking about happiness.

"Well I was waiting for you, and I have diplomacy classes that the others don't take."

"Diplomacy classes huh, planning on going into politics?"

"Yeah, my father may not have been around a lot, but some things rub off or are inherited I suppose. How about you, your family was extremely political."

"Political and military, you don't even know the half of it. It's like some kind of family tradition stretching back." Her arms swept to the side as if she was pointing back to the beginning of time and he laughed.

"But not you," his grey eyes focused on hers so intently that she finally looked away.

"No, not me," she left it at that, and the room fell silent before he finally jumped forward and walked towards the door.

"I've got a run to get in tonight; I'll let you get washed up and settled in. See you in the morning, Jane Shepard."

He was gone before she could respond and she blinked and looked around before making her way to the showers.

~O~

That first night in the Turian Military was a restless one, she tried to think back, trying to think if she had ever slept anywhere but at her own house and Kaidan's, she couldn't think of a single time and rolled her eyes, home sick already, some great last Shepard you are. She tried to banish the thought as soon as it had crossed her mind but she failed and that little whisper stayed with her. It wasn't like she was ill trained, she had in fact gone to military school her entire life it had just always been on her terms.

She tossed and turned, and finally as light began to peek through the front window she sat up, "Shit."

She heard a chuckle from behind her towards the showers and turned slightly, a freshly showered Brandis walked towards his bunk; his uniform smelled fresh and was crisp at the edges. Military, same as back home, maybe military was universal, kind of like math, she was good at math, and she was good at the military, well the combat and strategy of battle parts anyways. She never had been good at the politics. She caught herself rambling in her head and sighed, "Shit."

There was the chuckle again and she lifted a terrible left brow at him, she knew it was terrible because she had spent hours as a small child practicing it in front of the mirror.

His mandibles flared in a grin as he answered the question she had posed with her eyebrow. "I was laughing at your cursing. It made my translator glitch. By the way, I wouldn't use that eye thing on the General; safe bet would say he'd have you marching full pack for days straight."

Jane stood and began plaiting her hair back. "Trust me, I know my place, once it's not you and I, it's all business."

"I have no doubt; let's go introduce you to our bunk-mates. Their shuttle should be landing soon, change and meet me outside in five."

She was out in four and he nodded, "Military to the core, there was a reason you were selected to come here. That military background is a good jumping off point. As you know, lateness here doesn't earn you anything but work and trouble."

"Understood, Sir," She was eyeing his rank and gave him a confused smile. "You're my age aren't you, Sir?"

"I am." She would swear he smirked at her.

She motioned towards his rank and he nodded. "Yes that's those extra classes I take, I'm your platoon leader, Corporal Brandis Archeron, but you can call me Sir all you want." He smiled and gave her what she would have sworn was a wink, bullshit. Jane almost tripped over her own feet, had he really just winked at her?

He turned towards her and walked backwards for a few paces looking behind her before turning back at the landing pads. He had to shout to be heard above the arriving shuttles.

"I know you're a biotic, I've been told that it's being over looked, if you were Turian you would be relegated to the Cabal squads. Though relegated is the wrong term, they work in special ops groups. Reporting directly to the Master General, not a bad gig I hear. But the Chief Primarch wants you here. Hope you don't mind." He grinned down at her again and she damn near blushed, what the hell was wrong with her? Though she thought, she had never been around boys her own age for very long. Except for Kaidan, and that was different. Maybe all males regardless of species were like this.

Her platoon leader was confident, cocky and probably downright handsome, he smiled with the ease of someone who was perfectly comfortable in his own skin, and skin that she decided now that they were in the light was more silver. She had never seen a Turian quite like him, silver and white; add some gold in there and a horse and you'd have yourself a prince charming.

She snorted and chuckled at her thought earning a questioning glance from Brandis as another shuttle sat down before them.

"Nothing, I have a bad tendency to laugh at the voice in my head."

"Right, you'll have to explain that later."

He was looking around the landing pad, distracted, he held up a hand, shielding his eyes from the sun and moved towards a side building. As they approached Jane could see a younger Turian lying on the ground to the side of the building, it looked as though he had been on the losing end of a nasty fight. A Turian in blue armor stood with his back to them holding another larger Turian against the wall, the Turian in the blue armor looked like he had blue skin, or was that the armor making it look blue? Her thoughts were cut short again as Brandis chuckled.

"Shepard, this is Garrus Vakarian, looks like he's policing the place again. He's fathers C-sec. Yet another thing that seems to run in the family. Trying to save the Galaxy, taking out one bully at a time, isn't that right, Vakarian?"

With a shove the larger Turian was in the dirt scrambling towards the barracks, Garrus gave the large Turians rifle a kick to the side before he turned and helped the other up, and sent him on his way.

"You could say that, Sir." His eyes turned to her and she smiled as Brandis motioned to her.

"Vakarian this is, Jane Shepard."

He held out his hand and Jane accepted.

"I knew your parents. They met with my father a few times at the Citadel; they did a lot of good things after the war. There is an orphanage on Palaven, by my home city that's named after them. Good people, I was sorry to hear of their deaths."

Jane was shocked into silence, but finally she stuttered, "Oh-well-I didn't know that."

He nodded his understanding and stepped back from her and eyed Brandis.

"So how's the paper pushing go, Sir?"

"Stow it, Vakarian." It was said with a smile and slight chuckle before he turned to face her again.

"Shepard, Vakarian here is our sniper and hand to hand expert. And if I knew where the hell Nihlus was I'd introduce you to him."

"Here, Sir."

Jane watched the red Turian move quickly and surely to their side, he eyed Jane and she'd swear he rolled his eyes.

"Shepard, Nihlus Kryik. Strategy and munitions, one of the best minds in the military, he's from a Colony on some back water planet."

"That's right, Sir." His eyes still hadn't left her and finally he said what was written in his body language.

"So, you know what we bring to this squad, mind telling me what she's going to bring to it? Besides the political side of it, Sir, I want to know that if I have her at my back, she isn't going to get me killed."

He crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a stare at her that Jane took as a challenge.

She knew the rifle that Garrus had kicked to the side was next to her foot, she tucked her toe under it and kicked it to her hand, crouching she kicked Nihlus' legs out from under him, popped the heat sink and stood over him the rifle pointed just over his left shoulder as he lay on the ground. She smiled and spun the rifle, tossed it behind her back and then stamped it to her side.

"I learned to shoot at six, color guard since I was ten; I've studied combat and battle strategy and hand to hand since then. My father wasn't around a lot, but he did make sure I was well trained. Never doubt that I will cover your ass as well as I do my own." She tossed the rifle to Garrus and held out a hand to Nihlus.

He stared at it a moment before finally taking it and as she hauled him up he was trying to control his laughter, he slapped a hand on her shoulder. "Fair enough, Shepard, fair enough."

~O~

"So, Jane, what's your plan," Nihlus' voice cut through her thoughts and the letter she was writing Kaidan as she lay on her bunk. She hit send and lifted her head.

"Pardon me?"

"You know," he sat next to her leaning over to see if he could tell what she was writing but she had already closed the screen. "After the military, we've been bunking and training together for weeks, but we still have no idea what you're doing. After this, whatever, what are you going to do?"

Pursing her lips Jane stared at the others in the room and shook her head, "I hadn't really thought of that."

"Well we have fourteen years for you to figure it out."

"Fourteen years," Her voice was barely a whisper as her mind went wild. Was it going to be that long? Was she meant to be here for the entire time, of course she was, why else would they send her, why hadn't she thought of that?

"Shepard, are you alright, I think you just went white, is that normal?" Garrus was eying her and Brandis was now next to her bunk.

"Yeah, no I'm good, just realized I may be here a bit longer than I had let myself think."

"Yeah, but you'll be here with us." Nihlus' grinned, "Ever since you kicked my ass, I kind of like having you around. Like that older sister I never had."

Looking up she saw Brandis give her a look that was far too seeing, and she quickly looked away.

"You're thinking about home, aren't you?"

"Yes, I guess I am. When I left I didn't think I might not see it again for fourteen years."

He shrugged, "We all leave things behind. It's part of our military service, and I guess we all know there are things we'll have to give up."

She nodded, but she wasn't really hearing him, she was just wrapping her head around not seeing Kaidan for that many years, maybe she'd see him on leave, would they give her leave to go back to Earth? Too many questions swirled in her mind and she released a breath, "Shit."

"There's that glitch again." Brandis smiled and then snapped to attention as his eyes landed on the figure at the door and the others jumped off their bunks and did the same.

General Victus entered the bunk, hands behind his back, he had just caught enough of the conversation to know he might want to accelerate his conversation with Jane, they were being deployed the next morning, after that, after that he'd tell her everything, including what they wanted from her, and he would see her reaction. She already seemed to have made easy friends with her platoon, though they had been hand chosen, personalities most likely to fit her own.

"I said I'd be dropping by, Jane. Wanted to wish you well and let you know I'll be around when you get back, I'd like to talk to you."

He glanced around the room, noting the protective air that the three had around her already. Perfect, just as he had hoped it would be.

"Yes, Sir," She saluted and he held back a grin. This time it had been a Turian salute, he was pleased, only a few weeks and things were moving along nicely.

"That is all, you may continue."

They waited for the door to close before they all collapsed back to their bunks.

"I'm not sure how many surprise greetings from the General my heart can take." Brandis grinned at her and she would have sworn that he winked at her, again. No way! The shrill sound her inner voice made, caused her to snort and laugh.

"Laughing at that inner voice again huh?"

She shook her head, "I'm hitting the showers, going to be an early morning."

As she stood in the almost scalding water she leaned her arm against the wall, her head resting in the crook, the weight of Kaidan's Academy ring against her neck felt heavy and she sighed, fourteen years. Could she do that if they asked? Would she?

She didn't have an answer for that, but she knew she'd better think of one quick, because she had a feeling the General was about to ask.

~O~

They were out of their bunk long before sunrise; General Desolas Arterius was waiting for them at the shuttle.

"Corporal Archeron, your platoons training mission has been cancelled, all of you on me."

He said no more as he lead them to the middle of the practice field and pointed to gear.

"Put it on, you're being dropped mid jungle, your contact will meet you there."

"Sir, yes, Sir," Brandis nodded towards the gear and they all strapped in, ammo and weapons full load. Shit it was heavy Jane though as she checked her rifle and stowed it.

"Hover jump, Shepard."

"I didn't say that, Corporal," the General was shaking his head and looked annoyed.

"Upper atmosphere drop and not here, this is recovery mission. We had a group out on a training run and they ran into a Batarian pirate camp, you go in there, you kill and recover, you hear me? The high drop will keep your location a secret. Move out.

Brandis was perfectly passive and barely even nodded, "Aye, Sir."

It was uncomfortably quiet on the trip to the upper atmosphere of what looked to be a fully jungle planet, Andora. The sky turned from the inky blackness of space to the black blue of the upper atmosphere.

As they reached their jump point they stood and Brandis shouted.

"Just like the simulator, Shepard, head down, arms tucked, wait for your alarm, fan out, pull, land. You have the marker on your omni-tool. We'll see you on the ground."

Jane nodded and Garrus removed his rifle and stepped towards the door. "Jump ready to fight, Shepard." He nodded at her, always business he was, and as she blinked he was gone.

Nihlus was next, he grinned popped his heat sink and smiled at her as he jumped clear of the door, backwards flipped and was gone.

She rolled her eyes, show-off.

Brandis was shaking his head as he nudged Jane forward, swallowing she didn't think just removed her rifle, and jumped, the rush of air at her was stronger than on training jumps, she had of course done normal jumps from a very young age, Kaidan was big into skydiving. As she thought of him she smiled, it was beautiful up here, the curve of the planet, the view of the stars and black blue disappearing to bright blue, and back to black as the sun disappeared and the ground rushed towards her. He would love this.

Her alarm sounded, she fanned her arms out and turned to the left, where her target drop zone would be, she pulled the cord and floated down, damn near right on the button.

Garrus and Nihlus were already securing the perimeter of the drop zone; she dropped to the left and waited until she heard Brandis' boot's hit the ground. He glanced around checked his omni-tool and nodded to his left.

"Nihlus you've got point, I'll pull up the rear, single file, eyes and ears open, move out."

Jane flicked her visor closed, she'd never really needed night vision and no one asked her why she didn't use it.

The jungle reminded her of where the N7 took their training, she had always hoped she would get to go; she had been to a graduation there, when her father had given the speeches. He had always wanted her to go there, hadn't he? Would Kaidan get to go? She hopped so. And with that she answered the question plaguing the back of her thoughts. She was going to stay.

Would he understand? "Shit."

It was said under her breath but she heard the soft chuckle and then silence as they moved forward.

Almost twenty clicks in and Jane heard Nihlus snort, she felt Brandis shift his weapon behind her before she heard his muffled voice over their helmet communicators.

"Something you need to say, Nihlus?"

"Permission to speak freely, Sir," Brandis held back a chuckle at Nihlus' tone.

"Of course, you see anyone here besides us?"

"That's my point, Sir. What the hell is our team doing out here? We have how many platoons? Not to mention better trained ones, hell Jane had never even done that kind of jump. We're lucky she's ballsy. Er' you know what I mean, Jane, no offence."

"None taken, just good to know I please, Nihlus," she nudged him with a gloved hand and he chuckled. "Please some of us more than others."

Jane heard the choked cough from behind her and the cleared throat from the rear and chuckled, what the hell had he meant by that?

"As I was saying, Sir, we have a lot of other platoons that are better prepared for this, why us?"

"Why do you think?"

"General Arterius hates us."

Another choked laugh and cleared throat from Garrus, but Brandis ignored it, "General Arterius does not hate us. He just hates you."

Nihlus laughed, "Yes, Sir."

"Now, I want light and noise discipline, five more clicks, almost there."

The darkness and silence of the jungle surrounded them; well it wasn't really quiet, Jane found the sounds of the Jungle almost annoying, bugs and chirps of all kinds were distracting. But she was sure she could hear voices and she motioned to the right of them and whispered for the com only, "Voices, three for sure, maybe more, right side, I think I see lights too."

She had in fact heard voices and Garrus almost asked how in the hell she had been able to hear them when he had just heard it himself when he spotted the Turians tied on the ground.

Brandis could make out three of them, by the look of it their platoon leader was dead, just to the side of the cleared area he could just make out a prone form.

Brandis motioned for Garrus to set up to the side; he sent Nihlus the other direction and motioned for Jane to stay low where she was, he crouched next to her.

"Four of them, you each have your targets, I want clean kills. Drop them, move in confirm kills, retrieve and we're out of here." He paused for only a second, laid a hand on her shoulder, "Biotics, Shepard do it."

With that they opened up, Garrus' shot was clean, surgical, Jane's biotic blast was precise and she followed up with three shots from her side arm. Nihlus was assult rifle to the end and didn't even need to use his munitions. Three confirmed kills. Where had the fourth gone? He had just been there, Brandis looked confused, his shots had gone off, but had hit nothing.

Jane had turned to Brandis who was still staring over her towards where the fourth body should have been. Her eyes caught movement, before she could think twice, she knocked him to the side, threw up her barrier just as the hail of bullets hit her, she waited until she heard the click, knew they were popping the heat sink and she sent a biotic charge wave before her, before firing and dropping the Batarian where he stood.

She flinched as Garrus laid a hand on her arm, lowering her gun back to her side, as she still had it pointed at the spot where the Batarian had been standing.

Nihlus pulled Brandis up and he turned Jane towards him.

"What were you thinking, Shepard?"

She shook her head, "I wasn't really, just reacting, Sir."

She waited for the reprimand that she acted without calculated thought but it never came. Instead he nodded once, "Very good, Shepard."

Turning back to the others he pointed toward the bound Turians.

"Get them to the evacuation zone, and let's get off this fucking planet."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Nihlus watched Jane untie one of the Turians, Brandis at her side. He squinted at them and a smile twitched his features, as he clicked off his com and whispered.

"First time she's killed anyone I bet. Handled it like a pro, though someone is going to be extra protective of her, like he wasn't already getting attached."

Garrus grunted and moved to untie the Turian at his feet.

Nihlus knew that grunt, "What is it?"

"Nothing let it go."

"You know I won't."

"I know, that's why I swear I'll tie you up and carry you out of here if you don't."

"Fine, fine, but I'll get it out of you sooner or later, you've been more serious than normal lately, something is eating you."

"I said leave it, spirits you can be annoying."

Brandis tossed them a look that said shut up and Nihlus shrugged. "Hey it's not my fault he can't keep his voice down."

Jane looked over at them, she had heard everything, but didn't look annoyed, maybe she hadn't understood Nihlus' meaning.

Brandis frowned; her hearing was amazing for a human, her sight even better, not to mention her reaction time, how was that possible?

Everyone was silent as they waited for pick up. Once on board Jane leaned forward her head in her hands.

Garrus leaned forward, concern etched his features but his platoon leader beat him to the punch and reached out a hand towards Jane, so he leaned back and closed his eyes, all too aware that Nihlus was still watching him.

"What's wrong, Shepard?"

"Not important, Sir, don't worry about it."

She pulled her hand away and took a deep breath.

"Oh, no you don't, I'm your platoon leader, and I will worry about it, I asked you a direct question. Are you hurt?"

Jane sighed and leaned back, "No, headache, it's from my implant. Good for my biotics, bad for my head and nerves. Kaidan and I have an older implant; the new ones don't have the same kick. Anyways, neither of us was willing to go through that again. Anyways to make a long story longer, it's not a big deal, just some pain. I'll be okay."

"Kaidan, he's the one you grew up with?"

"Yeah, he was the only friend I ever really had."

Garrus opened his eyes at that and watched Nihlus' mandible twitch at him and he promptly closed them again.

Brandis didn't pry, but as the shuttle fell quiet he wondered how close they had been, and why he suddenly cared so much.

He didn't have time to get an answer, as soon as they landed Jane was directed towards where General Victus was waiting for her and he was taken with the Turian rescues to be debriefed.

Garrus and Nihlus were told to rack out, and as they made their way back towards their bunk, Nihlus finally couldn't take it anymore, and his thoughts blurted out.

"So what the hell is with you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Nihlus narrowed his eyes at him as they entered the bunk. Garrus removed his rifle and sat on the edge of the bed and began his nightly ritual of weapon maintenance.

"Seriously, Garrus either you tell me or I start guessing, and I bet you I can do it in one."

"Can we talk about this later? I really want to get this calibrated and then get some sleep."

"You like her."

He pretended to not hear him and Nihlus stalked to the edge of his bed.

"Screw calibrating your rifle, it's perfect. This is much more important. You like, Shepard, you've been in a weird mood ever since she got here."

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't, I've never known you to like anyone."

"Right and it's going to stay that way."

"What are you talking," Garrus cut him off by standing abruptly and moving past him towards his foot locker.

"You. Know. Why." Each word was said between clenched teeth.

"Yeah, I've seen the way he looks at her."

"Not only that, my father would hate it, he has plans for me."

"Someday you're going to have to lead your own life you know."

"Mhmm, but that day isn't today."

Nihlus sighed and shrugged, "So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing, simple as that," He looked up at Nihlus his mandibles pulled close to his face in a frown.

"She smells different from any other human I've met, there is just something so different about her."

"You mean besides the fact that you think she looks sexy when she's kicking ass in that skin-tight armor she wears."

"Well there is that, wait, you don't see it?"

"Oh I see why you and Brandis like her, and most likely why that Kaidan guy likes her, but I don't see her like that, she's like I said, the sister I never had. She amuses me; she's funny, always talking to herself."

"Yeah, I think it's cute." Garrus shook his head at what he had just said, "Leave it, no way, she's a squad mate and she's better suited for Brandis. We're not going to go into this anymore."

Nihlus shrugged, "Up to you, if you think you're up for it. I doubt it though."

Shaking his head, Garrus sat back on his bunk and turned his attention back to his rifle. "I'm fine, we'll be fine."

"Who are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

He heard the click of Garrus' sight and soft sweep of the cloth against the barrel as the smell of gun oil hit him, but that was it, Garrus had gone silent, just as the door opened and Brandis entered the room. He leaned against the wall and glanced around.

"Jane hasn't made it back yet?"

"No, Sir." They answered in unison. Brandis nodded and headed back towards the showers. They all knew that if Jane hadn't been there tonight, he might not have made it back. They all knew it, but no one said it. It had been too real. Why had they been sent out on a mission like that so soon? They all were thinking it, but no one dared ask.

~O~

Pinching the bridge of her nose Jane waited in the room she had been taken to.

The General opened the door a few moments later, but stood very still watching her, she was leaning forward, her head in her hand, two of her fingers massaged at each temple then pinched her nose. He watched her sit up straight, and pull her shoulders back as best she could.

"I know you're there, Sir. I heard you come in." She went to stand and Victus put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her on the chair.

"Don't stand its okay, I just wanted to talk."

She nodded and waited as he put his hands behind his back and stared over her head. She really wished he would spit it out and damn near said so but was able to hold herself in check. Migraine or not, she wouldn't break protocol and yell at the General.

"You know, I had this all planned out, and now that we're here and you're not feeling well, I'm not sure I can. I've never been afraid of anything in my life, and here I am, damn near shaking."

She pressed on the front of her forehead and lifted her left brow at him, it wasn't really on purpose, but she was confused.

"I'm sorry, Sir, afraid of what?"

"You, Jane, I'm afraid of what I'm about to tell you, I'm afraid of what I want to ask you, but most of all I'm afraid of your answer."

Leaning forward again she had to fight nausea as a bright arch of light filled her vision.

"Sir, not to be rude, but I really wish you'd just tell me what is wrong."

"Nothing is really wrong, Jane, but I need you to stay calm as I tell you a few things, and please, don't interrupt me."

She nodded and he continued, "Jane, you know you were chosen for this position, I told you it was from the time you were very young, well it goes beyond that, it goes back to when you were concived, you Jane Shepard are my daughter, you were made to be a perfect mix of your mother and myself. Your parents were part of a black ops group that had worked together with us even before the true end of the war. We were the ones who ended the war, and you were the plan to keep that war and hate from ever taking root again."

He took a deep breath and continued before a panicked looking Jane could bolt.

"There was a group that broke away from our project, said it was too Turian centered, they said we didn't truly care about human interests. They know what the galaxy is facing, and think we didn't really care about the Humans. They killed Kathy and Andrew. You were brought here to fulfill the agreement made even before you were born. You're here to continue with what we started. I'm asking you to stay; I'm asking you to become something so much more. After your term in the military, I'd like to see you in the Spectre program. There is so much more, but," his voice trailed off as Jane held a hand to her mouth.

Jane was trying to soak in what he was saying, it wasn't possible was it? What he was saying couldn't be possible, it was all so farfetched, had he just said he was her biological father? Not possible.

The arch of light was there again, but this time was stronger and even though she fought it her eyes couldn't stay open and she hit the floor.

~O~

Kaidan, she would have sworn he was there, he was always there for her, but the hand in hers was not Kaidan's it was Brandis, and she quickly squeezed her eyes shut again as the words of the General came flooding back over her.

It wasn't possible, and as sleep overcame her again she knew it was, it was why they had brought her here.

The next time she awoke she was alone, the General was at the door, talking to the doctor and she groaned, his eyes turned towards her and she realized his eyes looked, green, her green. The green neither of her parents had.

"Shit."

He nodded, hearing her curse and pulled a chair next to her.

"I see you've come to some sort of conclusion on your own."

She gave a half nod and closed her eyes.

"Why wasn't I told earlier?"

He sighed and leaned forward. "You're not as angry as I thought you'd be."

"Oh, I'm angry, but there isn't anything I can do about it, so there isn't a point to screaming."

"Of course you're right. I've never been good at this, the talking side of it all, I've always been good at war, battle, planning. This, this I left to your human parents."

She swallowed, "I've never been good at that part either, just the battle, reaction, war…at least on the simulators."

"By what I hear, you're the same on the field. Archeron told me what you did out there, impressive."

"Yeah, must be inherited."

She said it with a bit more venom than she had intended and she sighed pressing the heel of her hand against her right eye.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, I understand."

"Yeah, well I don't, not really. I think you need to start over. Explain this to me; help me understand why I won't be able to go home."

"You can, Jane. I only ever agreed to this, if in the end it was your choice."

"I made up my mind already about staying; I just need you to help me understand that choice now, fully."

He nodded and Jane took a deep breath and her heart ached as she realized everything in her life had just pulled hard to port, and she wasn't sure it would ever get back on track.

"Shit."

He took her hand in his and ran his talon over the tip of one of her fingers.

"I know it's hard to believe, but trust me, I've always kept tabs on you and I'd like the chance to be your father, I understand if you don't want that but, I would like that."

Victus continued to talk, going through the entire thing again, explaining that only a handful of people knew on both sides of their governments. Mostly the Admiral and High Primarch, she was trying to wrap her head around it but she kept coming back to being his daughter.

It explained why her father had hired tutors and things to train her, why he had never been around her, even when he was in Vancouver, and her heart hurt. It felt like she was losing her father again, yet this time it was because he had never really been hers.

She lifted her face to his but the words wouldn't come out and he sighed, "Yeah I know, Jane, shit."

~O~


	3. Chapter 3

_Dreams  
_

_Sometimes rob me,  
Of my sleep,  
I awake dry-eyed.  
I never weep,  
_

_I stand before a chasm,  
'Tis Dark, 'tis wide and oh so deep,  
I stand alone...I cannot speak,  
Then I'm by a raging sea,...  
One I can hear, but I cannot see,  
As midnight darkness flows through me,  
_

_Yes,  
Dreams,  
Sometimes rob me of my sleep,  
And though I wake, I never weep..._

Jane bolted upright, she was in her bunk, her head was a dull throb, her fingers absently trailed over the scars from her implant and she sighed. As much as she wished the last month of her life had been a dream, it wasn't. What had been a dream was the childhood she thought she had, the life she had led, she was none of those things. Not really anyways.

Those childhood dreams now kept her awake. Namely among them, Kaidan, the one thing she had always had, always taken for granted, always thought would be there. Now it was her that wouldn't be there. Not for a long time. She had to find a way to tell him, somewhere in the haze that had become her life; she had to find a way to tell the one person she loved, that she wouldn't be coming back.

Some things are more important than us, her father, or well, Andrew Shepard, the man who had made sure she was trained for this had always said that when she was young and had asked him why he was always gone.

He'd look at her with brown eyes, so unlike her own and smile and say, "Jane, sometimes we do things for the better of everyone, sometimes those things are not what we want, but we do them, because in the long run, we're not here very long and we want to leave the Galaxy better for those that come after." She realized now that his eyes had been sad, that he had talked about her. That he might not have wanted to take care of a child born from his wife that wasn't his. But he had. And for him she would give up what she wanted, because deep down that small child in her still loved the man she had barely gotten a chance to know.

"Shit."

Garrus heard her shift in bed, he heard the muffled curse. This had become almost a nightly routine, he was a light sleeper anyways, but now that he knew Jane was distressed, it had become almost insane. She would adjust or move and he would awake until he heard her breathing even back to sleep.

Something had happened, something between her and General Victus. He didn't know what, she hadn't told them, and where Nihlus pushed and Brandis coddled, Garrus left her alone, watching her from afar knowing she would tell them in her time.

Her training had been fine, and it seemed since the last attack of migraines that she was also fine in that regard. But he still couldn't turn off the protective part of his brain that needed to make sure, without her knowing he cared more than he should. He could hear her typing. Who was she writing to at this time of night?

Jane couldn't take it anymore, she had tried to write Kaidan for almost a month, but what she needed to say never came out, it always turned into how she was doing, how he was doing, blah, blah, blah.

That and Kaidan had the perfect way to make her feel like everything was still possible.

This conversation was going very much the same way. Kaidan excited about her training, excited about his new assignment on the Tokyo, but most of all that he would see her soon, even if that soon was when she was eighteen. What were a few years, with her training and with the Admiral behind her she would jump right into officer training when she got back.

When she got back...

She tried again to tell him her thoughts, but she couldn't say it, she couldn't tell him that she wasn't coming back. That her life was going to be here. That the General had asked things of her, things she couldn't tell him.

The one way she could get him to stop was to tell him that she didn't love him, and that she didn't want him to be there for her anymore. But she couldn't bring herself to do that, she just couldn't. Not since he had promised her all those years ago.

Her mind wandered and she tried to smile as she remembered that Halloween, she had been seven. Her mother had promised she would be home to take her trick or treating, promised she could go as a princess.

The costume that had been delivered to the house was a blueberry, a damn blueberry. Her nanny had dressed her in the costume, Jane remembered being too excited to care, her face painted, the round blueberry costume on, and her mother hadn't come, no one but Kaidan had come. Dressed as a Marine, she could remember it; he looked as good in the uniform at almost ten as he did now.

He had taken her hand, and as they walked outside he had promised, promised that it would always be them, no matter what. And from that moment on, she had been his J-berry. A reference to that day that they had become more than lone children in the galaxy, they had each other, even if everyone else let them down. They had each other.

Maybe there was still a way, maybe she didn't have to let go of this one thing.

~O~

"Hey, you guys head on to dinner, I need to clean up I'll meet you guys there."

Garrus heard her and stopped checked her eyes, the set of her face, they had been a solid unit for long enough for him to know just about every movement of her face and what it meant. It was passive and he saw no pain there, so he nodded and began to move away, Nihlus was already out front, and yelled back towards Jane.

"I'll save you some, maybe. You might want to hurry."

She laughed and nodded, "I won't be long."

She entered the bunk and stopped, took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"Hello, Sir, I know you need to talk, so better make it fast, before they miss me."

Victus chuckled and exited the shadows, a small smile playing on his face.

"I still don't know how people don't see it. It's in every action, every step, your sight, hearing, agility."

"I'm just an extraordinary human, remember?"

"Yes, of course I know the official story."

"My platoon, I hate lying to them you know."

"I know, but really its omission right now."

"Yes, Sir," her eyes dropped to the side as she thought and then she lifted them back to his face. They had met in private like this in the months since he had told her everything, but each time he had held back, never moved towards her and his conversations had been direct, even though Jane knew there was something he wanted to say, something he needed to ask. He was also holding back from touching her, she was used to that, so she didn't say anything. Her human mother and father had been the same way. Though now she knew why, her eyes narrowed at the thought, just as Victus took a deep breath bringing her thoughts back to him.

He moved towards her and she stiffened, he felt it and stepped back again.

"Jane," he lifted a taloned hand and laid it on her arm, he felt her breathing even and she relaxed.

"I'm sorry, I wish these visits could be...different."

"Yes, Sir, I understand."

He dropped his hand and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back on his left leg, his eyes locked on the ground. When he looked up again, Jane had much the same pose and he chuckled.

"This shouldn't be so hard."

"We're both just bad at emotions, at least ones that don't have to do with battle. Just ask Kaidan, he always said that I had the emotional range of a teaspoon."

Their eyes locked and they both smiled, "Yes, my mate has said much the same."

Jane's smile disappeared and after a moment spoke in a hushed whisper, "I've met your son, you must be very proud of him."

Victus nodded, "Yes, I'm proud of him." He watched Jane's face fall and his hands balled into fists and ignoring his instincts he reached forward and pulled her into an awkward hug.

"Damn it, Jane, I'm proud of you both, and someday everyone will know how much. You know I mean that, right?"

She shrugged, so many people had said that to her, that they meant something just to leave her standing there in a hallway in a damn blueberry costume.

"Yes, Sir," she didn't mean it, and he heard it.

"No, Jane, I'm serious."

"What about your real family? They won't like this, your wife, your son, they won't like it, and your wife is going to feel betrayed. I know I kind of felt like that too. But I'm used to disappointment."

He released her and she took a step back as he pulled his shoulders back and locked his hands behind his back.

"It doesn't matter, it was the choice I made, we've both made sacrifices, and spirits known that it isn't over. This is just one more, one battle in the war that I am determined to win." His eyes softened and he held out a hand towards her, "Go to war with me, Jane. Help me and I'll stick by you, through it all."

She thought for a moment and then took his hand, and he was about to pull her into another hug when Brandis pushed the door open. They snapped apart, Jane at attention. Brandis' eyes landed on the General and he pulled back to attention as well, is eyes surprised and shocked as he found Jane.

She didn't move and she knew his eyes held that confusion she was used to seeing on his face when it came to her.

The General looked from Jane to Brandis and nodded.

"Ah, Corporal, I'm glad I didn't have to go all the way to the mess to find you. You should know your platoon is moving out, cold weather training."

"Aye, Sir, we'll be read within the hour."

"Good, tell your team to pack well, write your farewells, you're going to be out of touch for a while, just you and your team, survival training at its finest."

"Sir," Brandis didn't ask, but the question was written on his face and Victus nodded.

"Yes, special ops training, mandatory if any of you wish to pursue...other opportunities you need this experience."

Jane knew he was talking about the spectres and she nodded silently as he added.

"To answer your other question, a year, maybe more now move out Corporal."

Jane swallowed, a year? A lot could happen in a year.

As he moved out the door Victus gave Jane a long look and nodded, knowing her question, a year with only those in her platoon, she would have to tell them at some point, and he was giving her the okay, as long as they could maintain secrecy, and he knew they could, they were chosen for a reason. Maybe things would work out; she'd almost be eighteen when they got back. They'd make the announcement then that Jane would stay on with the Turian military. The Primarch and Admiral of the Alliance had both agreed to the timing. It would be official and what they had put in motion so long ago would be moving forward, finally.

He took a deep breath and shook his head at himself, he hated reading Jane's correspondence with Kaidan, but the Primarch had insisted the agreement with the Alliance and more importantly, with Kaidan's father had been that Kaidan would be given the best training and the best opportunities if they were going to take Jane from him. Problem was, they hadn't called it quits, they had continued their relationship, and that was not in line with the Primarchs plans. The latest message would be the last that Jane would send, the other would be lost, and then a year out of touch, should be enough to sever that tie.

At least, that's what the Primarch hoped. But he had always promised himself it would be Jane's choice in the end, and he would give her that chance and choice, no matter what anyone told him.

~O~

"Damn this cold, I'm sick of sitting around in snow and wind, its bullshit I tell you."

"Yeah we get it, we're cold, God, Nihlus, we're all cold, but, look on the bright side, we learned to make this neat shelter."

She chuckled but no one joined in and she rolled her eyes, "It's been six months, you think you'd be starting to get used to it."

"No, what I'm getting used to is Garrus' constant cleaning of his weapons, something about frost on his scope, I'm getting used to you talking in your sleep and I'm getting used to Brandis hovering around you like a love-sick varren."

Nihlus finished the rant and threw open the door of their shelter and stomped out into the wind and snow.

No one moved until Brandis looked up at where Jane and Garrus were staring at him and he shook his head.

"We'd better go after him; he's been on edge ever since that last blizzard."

"We all have been, Sir."

Brandis nodded and they all trooped out into the blowing snow.

"Shit."

"You can say that again. What the hell was he thinking?"

Garrus didn't answer and Jane merely grunted in response.

What Nihlus had said was true though, they had all been going nuts in their own way. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere kind of had that effect.

Garrus realized more and more every day how much he liked Jane, and at the same time realized how big of an impossibility it was, not only would his father disown him, he knew that Brandis liked her and what a Archeron wanted they got.

His thoughts faded into the swirl of snow that now surrounded them.

Jane sighed, "What the fuck was he thinking?"

"Yeah, I'm not so sure he was thinking."

"Shh, do you hear that?"

"All I hear is the wind."

"No, lower than the wind, it sounds like...cracking ice, he's at the lake, shit and it's like minus fifty out here, there is no way that it would crack, would it?"

"I don't hear anything," Brandis froze as he said it, and was shocked, he could just barely make out what sounded like cracking ice. How the hell did she do that? Not the time for that question, he shook his head and ran for the lake.

Jane saw it first, the hole in the ice, how was that possible? It should have been frozen solid in this temperature.

They approached the side of the hole cautiously and Jane nudged some of the snow at the edge into the hole.

"It's not cracked its cut, like someone was ice fishing."

"Ice what?"

"People on Earth do it, cut a hole in the ice and look for fish."

"Why would they want to do that?"

"It's fun?"

"The hell you say, humans are so weird."

Jane lifted her left brow at Brandis but it was lost behind her helmet so she shrugged instead. "Yeah, they are."

Before Garrus could comment they heard the rifle shot and Jane grunted and took a step forward her hand lifted to her shoulder and as she pulled it away she rubbed her thumb over her fingers, blood, "Shit."

Brandis was also looking at her hand and then her shoulder, bad shot, three inches to the left and her heart would be mush.

"Whoever it is, they missed."

Garrus shook his head, "They didn't miss look it hit her on the left arm that is a main artery in humans remember? They got their mark; they wanted her to bleed out."

Jane tried to laugh, they hadn't been expecting anyone else to be out here, and none of them were in armor, just cold weather gear.

"She's losing color already, Spirits, that's a lot of blood, get pressure on it and help me get her back."

As the door to the shelter swung open Nihlus jumped, "Where you guys been?"

"Where have we been? Where the hell did you go?"

"The biffy, then a walk, why do I need you to hold my," Nihlus' rant was cut off when he saw Jane.

"What the fuck happened?"

"She was shot; did you see anyone out there?"

"No-I-but," he stuttered, "No one is here but us."

"That's what we thought, help me, she's losing a lot of blood, there isn't time."

Garrus ran back with the first aid kit, the medi-gel slowed the bleeding but with a deep breath he removed the blood synth kit.

"Sir, we have a problem, there is only a Turian blood kit here, she needs blood fast, and ours won't work, why isn't hers here? Didn't you check the gear?"

Garrus couldn't keep the panic from his voice, they didn't have a lot of time, she had lost so much blood, and he could feel her heartbeat slowing.

"Of course I did, look again."

But as each of them searched, they all realized the same thing. There was no kit, and Jane was dying.

~O~

"I don't understand, Sir, why didn't you just kill her?"

General Desolas Arterius gave a shrug as he turned away from the small shack where they had taken Jane.

"This way hurts more."

He turned and walked away, hoping this would be the last he would hear of Jane Shepard.

~O~

Jane could hear their panic, no human blood, no way to get blood back into her, she tried to open her eyes, she was so tired, and cold, so cold, but she pushed and strained to pull her hand open and lay it on Garrus' hand next to hers, forcing her eyes to open she took a gasp of air.

"Turian-will-work," she locked eyes with Garrus and he shook his head.

"No, Jane, it will kill you."

She let her head roll to the side and then back, "It-will," she stared hard at him, her eyes willing themselves to close, but just before they did, she saw him nod and she passed out.

~0~

Jane's heart was even and strong, the blood had worked, that shouldn't be possible.

"That's not possible."

Garrus was the first to say it, but he knew everyone was thinking it. No one had moved for two days, as Jane recovered, the pain medication they had given had kept her asleep. And as Garrus had finally put voice to his thoughts he saw her move, her eyes open and she groaned as she sat up.

"Nice patch job, Nihlus' work I'm guessing, the rest of you never paid attention in first aid."

No one laughed and Jane grimaced as they all stared at her.

"Yeah, I heard you, it shouldn't be possible. But well, here I am ta-da. Alive and feeling just fine, thank you."

Yet again no laughs, not even a chuckle and she sighed, giving up.

"Yes, we see you, but how is it possible?" Garrus' face was expressionless as he asked her.

"It's complicated."

"Yeah, we figured, but we are family, are we not? We have your back, Shepard, no matter what." Nihlus nudged her and the others nodded.

"I know, it's just that, it's one of those secrets you kinda wish you didn't know, after you know it."

Silence, she sighed again cleared her throat and started.

"Well, you see... General Victus is my father."

After the initial shock wore off, the three Turian's before her, still didn't speak, they just stared at her.

"Shit, right?" She laughed.

"You can say that again," Nihlus breathed and moved closer to her. "Well hell, that's-wow-I, don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I understand how it sounds."

Garrus understood now, he understood why she smelled different, why she was different, and he hated that he couldn't tell her just how special she was.

Brandis on the other hand had no problem telling her exactly how special she was, and when he noticed that she was shivering he pulled her closer to him, wrapped the blanket closer around her and that's how Garrus found them in the morning. Once again he reminded himself that it was better this way, that they were better for each other. But if it was true, why was it like a punch to his stomach?

He and Nihlus went out to check the perimeter, but the storm had blown away any traces of anyone else having been there.

"You'll never make it twelve more years, let alone six more months out here."

"You just don't quit."

"I'm trying to help you."

"Well don't"

Nihlus grunted, but let it go.

Back in the shelter Jane was sitting up against the wall, her arm recovering nicely with the wrap and medi-gel, her color was normal but she wore a deep frown at something Brandis had said.

"No, Sir, I don't think we should call for evac, what we do is we finish our tour out here, we report it in our weekly debrief and if they want us out they will do so. We finish this, period."

"And if they come back?"

"Then we deal with it, we follow procedure from here on out no wandering off in storms, Nihlus."

She eyed him and he chuckled and threw himself down next to her putting an arm around her neck and flicking her nose with his talons.

"To be fair, I didn't wander off, you three did."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, yeah, got it, by the book, you good with that, Sir?"

Brandis nodded, but he wasn't looking at Nihlus, he was staring at Jane and Garrus had to turn away and let his heart harden.

~O~

Kaidan reread the message from General Victus and frowned, Jane was out on training until June. He had been concerned when her messages had stopped coming, and after six months he had started to worry, it had taken another three for anyone from the Turian's to answer him.

He had worried about why she hadn't messaged him before such a long absence, but he reminded himself that they were military; they weren't always given the luxury of knowing when they would be shipped out. Still he had wondered at the tone that Jane's messages had taken lately, she was distant and always talking about when they were kids. She had told him she missed him only once, and when he had told her he loved her, the messages had stopped, sure he knew now she was out of all contact, but at first he had thought the worst.

Well it was only three months until she was back at the Turian Base, he would meet her there. Surprise her, it was her eighteenth birthday after all and he wouldn't miss the chance to be the one to bring her home. Besides, it would be the best place to tell her that he was getting into N training. He couldn't believe it, and he knew with her background she would be following him soon, and everything would be as they had always dreamed.

~O~

"What do you mean they were attacked, why didn't anyone tell me?"

The Primarch's face didn't move as he answered, "You're too close to the situation, you might have pulled them out, we needed her to finish the training. She's fine, they proved themselves very well, she's alive and everything may continue as planned. I've spoken with the Admiral; the announcement will be made when her boots are back at the base. Carry on General."

Victus knew he was being dismissed, so without another word he saluted and marched out of the room straight into Kaidan Alenko.

The shock was off his face in a heartbeat and he tried to smile but it felt forced, extending his hand to the young Marine. On his way to his N training he had been told, so what was he doing here?

"Hello, Alenko, or should I said Lieutenant, I recognize you from the vids, congratulations on N school. That's quiet an honor."

Victus realized he was still shaking his hand, lost in thought and Kaidan looked confused. He quickly pulled his hand back and tried to smile again.

"What brings you here?"

"Oh, remember I messaged you a few months back its Jane's eighteenth birthday, I asked you about a party that would be today; she's coming back from training. I assumed she would be ready to rejoin the Alliance and this would be the best way to celebrate everything you've all done, first human to attend your training. I'm guessing by that look on your face that you forgot, Sir, I should have messaged you again."

Spirits, with the Primarch here he had forgotten. He had allowed this to happen, had told Alenko to go ahead and come, he had needed to know, and he needed Jane to make the choice. Spirits help him.

"Of course Lieutenant, we're expecting her platoon shortly, they will need to get cleaned up and be debriefed, if you would wait in the common room. We'll see you shortly."

Victus nodded and moved around him, he made it outside just in time to see the shuttle sit down and a laughing joking group tumbled out. That part had worked, they were family. He didn't show is relief as he made his face a passive mask and made his way to them.

They all gave crisp salutes and he nodded and knew from their combined looks that they knew.

"Welcome back to civilization people, get cleaned up meet us in the common room, everyone can't wait to welcome you back."

"Aye, Sir." They answered in unison and moved off towards their bunks.

In the showers, Jane shouted to the stalls next to hers, "I tell you what, the next time I'm stuck in snow and ice will be too soon. I could stay here all day."

Garrus and Nihlus laughed as they exited the showers to get dressed.

Leaning back against the wall Jane let the hot water pour over her, she rolled her shoulder, it had healed well, barely a scar.

She heard the shower next to hers shut off and she stuck her head out in time to see Brandis wrap a towel around his waist, "I thought I'd never be warm again."

"Oh come on, Shepard, it wasn't that bad, after you started to share my bunk it was fine, sharing body heat helped out a lot."

She knew she was blushing, even though nothing happened and it had only been right after she was shot, she was still embarrassed about it. She was about to say so when her eyes landed on Victus at the door to the shower room.

"Exscuse me, Corporal, I need a moment with my-with Shepard, If you would." He motioned towards the door and Brandis nodded shot her a smile and left the room.

Jane moved her head back into the shower and began washing her hair for the third time.

"Do you remember before you left, when you said there was something I wasn't telling you?"

"Of course, why else would you have shown up in my rooms for awkward conversations, point in case, you show up while I'm in the shower."

"Yes, well this is the only time I'll have to talk to you. I should start out by saying, happy birthday to my beautiful daughter. I'm so proud of what you and your team did."

Jane couldn't help it, she felt the swelling pride of him telling her that and she smile in spite of herself.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Don't thank me, Jane. There is something you should know. The Admiral and Primarch are going to announce that you are staying with the Turian Military, that you will not be returning, that your entire military career will be with us."

"Yes, I figured something like that would happen."

"Jane, there is something else you need to know."

She didn't like the tone of his voice, and she grew cold even in the scalding water.

"What is it?"

"The plan, the one that created you was to see if you could-well-you know, mate with a Turian."

There it was out, and judging by Jane's breathing, she was still trying to process what he had just said.

"Shit."

"Indeed."

"Who," she asked, but she knew the answer already.

"Brandis Archeron."

Yup, that was the name she knew he would say, she had kind of hopped it was to be Garrus, but of course Archeron was the better choice, good family.

Good god she was starting to sound like one of them.

"Do I have a choice?"

"We always have a choice, Jane."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Does he know of your plan?"

"No, not yet, I figure once I have your acceptance, I will inform him, he's a good Tuiran, and he'll do as he's ordered."

Spirits that sounded awful even to him.

"No."

He thought she was talking about the plan and he nodded, it was her choice, they would have to be happy with the fact that she would push towards being a Spectre.

"Okay, Jane, it's your choice, I'll tell the Primarch."

"No, I didn't mean I wouldn't do it, I meant that I want to be the one to tell him. He'll have the choice too."

Victus blinked a few times before realizing what she had said.

"Okay, if you're sure, Jane. But there is something else you should know."

The water shut off and Jane sighed. "No, nothing else right now, General, please?"

He opened his mouth to continue, but closed it; maybe it was better if she didn't know until she saw him. He left the room and Jane exited and began to get dressed, she couldn't believe she was agreeing to this, but for some reason it seemed like what she needed to do, people had given up their lives to make sure this could happen, she didn't want those sacrifices to be for nothing. Hell, someone had tried to kill her, she had to continue, her life wouldn't be meaningless.

She was completely confident in her choice, completely sure of herself, until she walked into the common room and her old life was standing there in dress blues staring at her with honey brown eyes and her heart did a flip and settled somewhere in her stomach.

"Oh good God, Kaidan, what are you doing here?"

Kaidan smiled and she was in his arms before she could think.

"Happy birthday, J-berry, I've missed you so much, I thought it fitting that I should be the one to bring you home. Like I said, I'll always be here for you."

Jane's heart hurt and she took a deep breath, she wanted to tell him, but people were crowding around them, the celebration was in full swing.

Garrus saw the look Brandis gave Jane and the human with her, he assumed it was Kaidan, and had to manage the look on his face, or he was sure it would mirror Brandis'.

Nihlus was by her in the next moment, asking all sorts of embarrassing questions and Jane laughed gesturing towards him, "Kaidan, this is Nihlus, he's in my Platoon, like that annoying little brother I never knew I wanted."

Nihlus laughed and motioned for Garrus and Brandis.

"This is, Garrus, one of the best snipers I've ever seen, and Brandis Archeron, his father was the Primarch of Palaven." She couldn't look at either of them as she introduced him, but Kaidan didn't seem to notice, not until Brandis put his hand on her arm as the screen above them clicked on. "Look, Shep, it's the announcement."

"Shit." The announcement, how could she have forgotten, she hadn't had time to tell Kaidan.

As the video feed of the Primarch and Admiral droned on in the background, Kaidan's eyes fell to Jane's and he held them, the pain in them was only equaled by the love she found there and her heart broke. He didn't say anything about it during the rest of the party, only smiled where he was supposed to, but his hand and eyes held on to her, as if she was going to evaporate.

As the last guests left they were left standing in the middle of the common room. Jane waved her platoon away, and Nihlus had to practically drag Brandis and Garrus away.

"Leave it, don't you get it? He's had her, his whole life; he just realized he's losing her for a very long time, maybe forever. Leave it alone."

Jane didn't watch them leave, but she heard when the door clicked closed.

"I should have told you."

Kaidan chuckled as he pulled her towards him lifted her up slightly and kissed her soundly. As the kiss ended she stepped back from him and he sighed.

"Yes, J-berry, I wish you would have told me. But you don't have to do it; you can still come back with me. They'll understand."

"Kaidan, I'm not going home."

"I don't understand. Why would you stay here? What does it prove? You've already gone through some of the toughest training in the Galaxy, N School is next, come with me."

"I can't, I told them I would stay." Jane realized he had thought it wasn't serious, that it was a political stunt that it was still up for discussion.

"Jane, you can't be serious? What about us, what about everything we've dreamed of, what about our life?"

"Kaidan, those were kids' dreams, we have to grow up, sometimes that means doing things we don't want to do."

"There, I knew it; you don't want this I can fix it you know my father will fix this. He'd never have you do anything you didn't want."

Jane laughed, but it lacked amusement and Kaidan stepped towards her again and she closed her eyes, knowing what she had to do, what she needed to do for everyone, sacrifices must be made, others had given their lives for this, she would give her heart.

"Kaidan, I don't love you, I need you to leave, and stop this."

He froze in his tracks his hand hovered over her shoulder before he pulled back like she'd hit him.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Leave, Kaidan. I'm staying here, I don't want to go back with you, I don't love you."

He held up his hand as if to block her words, she could see his throat working, as if he was struggling to hold back the tears that she could see around his eyes. He swallowed, blinked and nodded.

"Fine, if that's how you want it, Jane, then I'll leave. But know this, I love you, this doesn't change that. But one day, one day you'll regret it, you'll regret that you threw away everything, for what?"

She wanted to tell him everything, to ease the hurt in his eyes. He drew a deep breath and nodded again, his eyes looking to the side. "You're my dream, Jane and once I was yours, I wish, no you know what, never mind."

He turned and before she could change her mind, he was gone and she nodded, he was right, she would regret it, she already did. She regretted having to hurt him, because she loved him. But she had to let him go.

She turned towards the door that lead towards the bunk houses and took a deep breath and left the dreams of her childhood behind her.

_Yes,  
Dreams,  
Sometimes rob me of my sleep,  
And though I wake, I never weep..._


End file.
